Letting myself down... over and over again....

I cried...

I'm immune... I told myself... over and over again... I will not let it get me again....
I will not...

But I couldnt stop the tears...
I tried so hard... I wrote scripts.. I re-wrote scripts..
I rewrote the entire timeline 4 times.. Each taking me at least an hour...

I thought nothing could go wrong... but I was so wrong...
The timing rushed upon me... His countdown hit me so strongly... each number... 5,4,3,2,1 caused me heart to beat faster...
I thought I was going to have a stroke when everything was not going according to as plan...

I was panicking... Cold sweat was already running down my forehead.. this could not be happening... no... not now...
I didnt use a single term... i jus blabbered and wished that I would die on the spot...

if that wasnt bad enough..

After the ICA, the results for the previous test came...
I looked as people maked their results after results happily... I stared at the sheet of paper... I just could not believe it.... I got 71... I tried to imagine that I did not get that result... when I saw my name, I tried even harder to contain my tears...
Almost the entire class got higher then me...

Walking down to the gym... I couldnt contain my tears anymore... I tried so hard... and I fail myself again?.... why!!!??
I'm finished...
I wasnt sobbing, but I still could not contain the tears... when I saw Sonia, I tried to pretend nothing had happened... but deep down inside... I was still feeling the pain...

hold me...
I tried so hard to tell myself that I've done my best...
But everytime I see myself...
I feel so alone somehow...
Somehow, I've let myself down... again... and again....

hold me...
I tried my best to tell myself I did my hardest...
But everytime I see myself...
I see a reflection of a useless person...
Somehow, I've got to keep going on... and on...

Crying wont solve any problem....
But when you're cornered, with no path to turn to... do you have much options?...

Failure will not conquer me...
First... I have to conquer myself....

I.. die again....... I wont be broken again.... I've got to breathe... I cant keep going under....

I wont keep going under....

I will achieve my goal. even if I have to go insane.
I will achieve my goal. even if I have to work day and night
I will achieve my goal. even if I have to foresake my little bit of entertainment

Nothing will get in my way
Nothing.

DVPA: 71
WP: 76
FUNE: 77
IDEA: 80
GEMS: 82
NW: (so far.. only low Bs and Cs)
IPRA: (no comments. i dont even wish to know)

B.B.B.A.A
Bs for all the important modules and As for the useless ones...

Haiz...

I hate myself... I hate my life...
Totally.

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Today's Interesting Fact: Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

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I couldn lift my head to see you...
I failed myself... how much more would I fail you...
Dont get me wrong...
I still love you all the same...

I'm so scared that one day I'll fail you even...
I fail so much in everything I do....

-Kyo-